When does one call it quits with the establishment they have chosen to align themselves with? I have had many conversations lately with friends from all different walks of life, denominational alignment, and religious preference on this very topic. From my perspective, this has never been a hard decision. Having grown up with no denomination and moving from church to church a couple of times while I was young (due to various lines being drawn in the sand on various church related issues), I have never felt a strong alliance with a particular denomination, or even church for that matter. In addition to this somewhat natural reaction to my situation, the non-denominational denomination (I mean, really, that's what it is) is constantly producing sermons about how it is not the church or the denomination or organization that is important, but ones relationship with God. It has been my experience that this particular non-denomination is so focused on the fear of legalism that there is little alliance with anything that could be mistaken for tradition or litergy, for fear of falling prey to "going through the motions". A valid concern.
However, now in my slightly older age, I find myself wondering about where that proverbial line in the sand is located, and at what point a congregant/follower should say, "Ok, that's enough, I cannot call myself by this name any longer."
Is there such a line? I believe every person has a certain level of tolerance--some just have more than others, and most have vastly more than me. I have taken this issue to the extreme (or, not so extreme if you are a non-denom) and opted out of aligning with any denomination, or really any church, due to disagreements with theology, orthodoxy, or other issues that typically arise in these sorts of faith-based situations. Now, that is not to say that I do not enjoy fellowship with others or spiritual teachings. For Pete's sake, I'm in seminary, it would be hard for me to have escaped the last year without learning anything or bonding with the other 9 people I have taken ALL of my classes with. But, I have not found a denomination or church whose name I feel comfortable adopting.
On the other side of this coin (as if there were only two sides) are those who have been raised with a beautiful, strong, attached relationship to a denomination. I think of my friends who are so passionately baptist that it oozes from their every statement during theological discussion. Picture loogies that read "autonomy of the church" and "priesthood of all believers"...things like that.
This conversation first came up with a close friend of mine, raised baptist, still baptist, and employed as a baptist. This friend was quite liberal, and not only that, they are homosexual. Out to close friends but not all, I ask them why they chose to stay in a church and/or denomination that did not embrace them. I could not imagine being a part of a church that did not respect me as a woman, and in my eyes this was the same thing, if not even more difficult. They replied that they felt it was their "calling" or, at the very least, a noble cause, for them to remain a part of this denomination and work for reform within it. Very noble indeed. We need warriors such as these to bring about important issues amongst those who might not otherwise deem those issues worthy of discussion. But, there is a downside to fighting these fights--you get the crap kicked out of you.
I have known many in similar situations who are fighting, and fighting hard, for the respect, authority, and love that they deserve in a particular organization or church, and are getting wearier by the day. How much rejection and disrespect should a person take before throwing in the towel and moving on to a church that DOES ordain women, or IS open and affirming to the LGBTQ community, or SUPPORTS you in your service loving the world? When do we draw the line in the sand and leave because GOSH DARN IT, we're sick of it, and when do we decide to stay and fight the good fight? Are there some people who will never "get" what we feel to be important? Is it sometimes not worth the fight? If so, how do you tell when it is?
4 comments:
Very good thoughts. The most puzzling thing to me is that the Church operates—like any other sub-culture—under waves of beliefs that fall in and out of fashion. If a church wants to remain sexist/racist/homophobic/myopic, it is their choice to do so; however, history tells us that when enough people feel differently and try something new, the old ways will fall away (or at least, become supported only by the tiniest of factions). If the Church refuses to acknowledge women, gays, lesbians, and others as viable servants of Jesus, then I say, create something new.
Lydia Meece...
I recently read an excellent article on this subject. It said that in order to defeat the us vs. them mentality held my many churches it is necessary for the church to realize that some of "them" ARE "us". This article came at the perfect time for me as I had just returned from a church camp--and been asked to leave. I was open, for the first time in my home region (it has been fairly easy for me to be open in college as I am building new relationships, not afraid of losing old ones). I was, and am, heartbroken and while I was careful to only share my opinions and feelings as just that, in many circles any dissent is not acceptable. I know that I am not the only one there that thought that way and hope that perhaps that culture can change as we all learn to be honest with each other. For me, I no longer search for a community or church that lines up with my beliefs on every point (I have collected too many opinions for me to consider this a possibility and would also not be challenged in that community), but I search for a church that will love and accept my differences, perhaps challenge my opinions and push me to learn more. I believe strongly that it is our unity through diversity, our love through the storm that makes us strong.
Lydia and Joshua, thank you for your thoughts!
Lydia, I am so sorry that you had to experience that rejection. I think the difficulty for me comes in situations like those where something that is important to me either goes against the common beliefs found in a church (example: being a female seminarian in a church that doesn't think women belong in the pulpit, or the example of my friend who was homosexual and attending a church that believed homosexuality is a sin). I absolutely adore groups that have opposing views on subjects but are welcoming to those who differ from themselves. Unfortunately I found genuine exhibitions of this are few and far between.
I suggest that you and Lydia have both made the mistake of trying to actually apply Jesus’ teachings in your lives. Like Him, you have expanded your “we” group way too far and you have repeatedly given the needs of others a higher priority than you give to the rules of your denomination. So, it is hardly surprising that you are now being given the same treatment that He got all those years ago.
Sorry, it cannot be helped. Jesus was not about organizations. Not even churches. He was about individuals. Individual access to our Creator. Individual responsibilities for our fellow humans--all of them. Individualized paths to peace. How can you maintain an organization with a world-view like that. You can’t.
And, while it may sound like a good idea to try to fight for acceptance within a group, I’ve never seen a positive result from that strategy. By contrast, I think that Jesus was trying to get us to see that peace doesn’t come from being accepted by others, but from being accepting of others--all of the others.
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