A Response to the Mansplaining of #YesAllWomen

The #YesAllWomen hashtag has prompted a lot of discussion lately—seems important enough to make the subject my yearly blog post (LOLZ I’m a real bad blogger).  There are a lot of skeptics of this campaign, some because of misunderstanding and some because of genuine issues about the way things have progressed and the way the hashtag is being used.  Here are my thoughts on a few of those concerns:

This is getting blown way out of proportion.  Where is the men’s right movement?! The world is so unfair.    –MRA Hole

Dear MRA Hole,

You are EVERY part of the problem.

This hashtag is being exclusive of men, when the issue is all about men.  If you want to change the way men behave, you need to talk to men about it     –Mansplaining Mike

Oh Mansplaining Mike, I totally agree with you.  If we were trying to change the way men behave, we would be talking to them about it.  The issue is that we’re not.  I mean, we are, but that’s not the sole purpose of the hashtag (which, by the way, reaches both men and women and everyone in between).  If you look at #YesAllWomen and what it quite literally says, you will realize this—Yes, all women have dealt with sexual harassment/abuse/assault/misogyny.  The obvious extension of that is a need for change in men’s actions, but the prominent use of the hashtag is to raise awareness of how bizarrely prevalent sexual danger is in the lives of women. Because no one will take notice of something they don’t believe to be a problem.  #YesAllWomen is about making everyone brutally aware that there is most definitely a problem, in hopes that especially men will take notice and consider this culture that we have fostered when deciding what they can do to change the way they behave.

#YesAllWomen makes it sound like all men are rapists. I’m a feminist! That implication is, quite frankly, offensive.     –Feminist Bob

I don’t blame you for being offended, Feminist Bob. You are totally right, we shouldn’t speak in sweeping, generalized terms—it is unfair.  What else is unfair?  1 in 4 women will experience sexual assault.  You’re probably tired of hearing that statistic, but you know who is more tired of it? Women. Especially the 1 in that 4.  Again, I will say you’re right—not all men are rapists or will sexually assault women, and we shouldn’t discuss this issue in a way that implies that they will (even though 1 in 6 will). I ask you, how then are we to discuss it?  The fact of the matter is that women exist in a world where they have to be afraid.  Allow me to apologize if that fear has caused some women to say things that offend you. Sometimes fear does that, but please know that is obviously not the intent.  But when a stranger yells “Slut!” at me from a neighboring building, because I had the audacity to wear a dress in public, I am not only offended, but terrified. I do not claim to have a solution to your complaint, but please allow me to say this in the sincerest of voices—you may be afraid of getting mugged on the street at night, but I walk with my fists clenched every time I’m alone. Even locked in my own house when there is a knock on the door.  I deeply appreciate the efforts of many men to respond to #YesAllWomen and to advance the women’s rights movement. However, while I recognize that all movements need allies, the movement is not about the allies.  To use a common example, there were white allies to the civil rights movement. Those people had no reason to defend the fact that they were not racists, because they were standing on the picket lines along with everyone else, getting sprayed with fire hoses and beaten by police (though, not nearly as much as African Americans standing on the same picket line).  There is no need to defend your feminism if you are living as though you are a feminist. Stand with us and work toward a solution, and allow the accusation of misogyny to fall on those who rightfully earned it through their actions.  But please, never forget that you will never have “Slut!” screamed at you from a window because you’re wearing a t-shirt that reads “This is what a feminist looks like”.